A Final Goodbye

Listening to: Nickelback - This Afternoon
Reading: Incubus Dreams by Laurell K. Hamilton
Drinking: Coffee (well, I will be in a few minutes...)

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"Life is just one damned thing after another..." - Elbert Hubbard

I've always found life to be interesting in that things that are supposed to happening...well, they almost never do. Happen, I mean. And when things do begin happening, at least the way they're supposed to, we find ourselves growing oddly suspicious and paranoid. Hell, I know I'd feel weird if someone all of a sudden handed me a briefcase with ten million dollars. Sure, I'd feel elated and think, "Jackpot!" but all in all, I'd start wondering, "Hm...I wonder why that guy in Raybans gave me this" and "Oh noes, what if this is drug money" which evidently leads up to, "What if they want it back?!" and then ends up with "I need to hide! Where to hide?!".

Which brings me to my own life. Had things worked out the way they should've, I'm fairly sure I would've been married by now. Scary thought, really, but hey, in the immortal (maybe not to immortal, after all) words of Bruce Almighty, "That's the way the cookie crumbles!" Seriously. I probably wouldn't be in Korea anymore. And I would've hated the man I married. Now, I'm not kidding about that. But because I was so keen that he was good for me, I forgot about the most important thing in a relationship.

Respect.

Did I respect him? Did I love him as much as I could've? What could've changed? How could I have made us work as a couple? All these are questions that I'd asked myself a million times over and now, a month later, it doesn't even matter anymore. All that remains in a lingering bemusement about my crazy could've-been-married escapade and my mom's words, which were, "I so goddamned told you so, didn't I?"

Yes, Mama. You did say so. And you were right.

At least, this time.

So...this is the last ode I shall make to you, Isaac Black. I'll remember you. I'll remember what you taught me, what you showed me, and the fact that you loved me unconditionally, although in the end, it's what ruined us in the end.

Thank you.